Hi, My Name Is Emily...

... and I'm a wrapaholic..

I'm told the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I'm aware of my sickness, but I don't know that there is a cure.  In fact I think it might be some sort of genetic disorder... like premature balding or something.

I just love wrapping paper so much.  It's so shiny and pretty and happy.  This time of year is so special to me.  I go to the store and they have whole entire aisles dedicated to different wrapping paper!  Can you say dream come true?!  It takes every fiber of strength and will power not to blow all my life savings.  I just feel like I need a lot of different options available to me at all times.

Oh and my problem doesn't end with wrapping paper.

I also collect gift bags.

And ribbons, bows, and other decorative toppings.

I couldn't leave tissue paper out of the equation.

I would be lying if I said I didn't have a secret stash of cards and tags and labels as well.

Ok now you know my dirty secret and I'm not ashamed!  Who are you going to go running to next time you have a gift giving emergency?  Me, that's who!

You need something for a baby shower...I got it.

Wedding... check.

Birthday... I gotcha covered

Easter... you know it.

Christmas... duh.

Congratulations... for sure.

Condolences... sad but true.

Just Because... yep.

Martin Luther King Day... I'm all over it.

I think you get the point.  So try not to judge me because someday you'll need me, and when you do my gift wrap and I  will be waiting with open arms.

Xoxo,

Emily

Jillian Michaels Can Go To Hell

There I said it.  That is exactly what I think every time I do her workout video the 30 Day Shred.  The next logical question would be why are you doing it if you feel that way?  Because.  Because I am not the same since having a baby.  My body is a lot more...gelatinous if you will.  My clothes do not fit the same and I am tired of forcing my butt and thighs into jeans that I can practically hear moaning when I pull them out.

I know that I am very fortunate that all my baby weight has come off and I haven't been one of those poor women that seriously struggle post pardom.  Ok and by all of my baby weight I mean most of my baby weight.  Who knew that 5 lbs (give or take) could make such a big difference in your love handles?  The point is if I can't get back my smooth stretch mark free stomach shouldn't I at least be able to get back my pant size?  Speaking of "stretchies" as I like to call them, what a freaking rip off!  I know, I know, once again I am lucky and only have a handful of small light "stretchies" that didn't even show up until after I had Ryder and my stomach deflated.  Who am I to complain when some come out of pregnancy looking like they just experienced hand-to-hand combat with Wolverine.  But I digress, the point is I knew going into this I wouldn't come out the same but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try!

So back to the subject (and yes I am going somewhere with this rambling and complaining).  I hate Jillian, I hate her so much.  She's so mean to me.  And she hurts me.  And she's mean!  It's only a freaking 30 minute workout, but somehow during that time she looks at me through the TV and she is judging me.  She knows that I'm secretly thinking about cake.  She knows that I watch The Biggest Loser and eat cookies at the same time.  How she does it I will never know, but I'm certain that she does.  So even though I loath and despise her I also secretly love her and know that if anyone can pry some results out of me she can.  I am making this my End of Year resolution.  Not to be confused with a New Year resolution, which in my experience rarely pan out.

If you see me on the street ask me about Jillian and if I'm still working out.  And when I say "Why yes I am, thank you for asking" then you should ask me if I'm lying to you.  At which point I'll say"Ughhhh  how did you know?!"  I'm not making any promises but I am going to make a valiant effort so I'll let you know how it goes.  Wish me luck.

Xoxo,

Emily

Let's Talk Turkey

As you all know last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and oh what a day it was!  Mike and I are blessed enough to live near both sides of our families so we are able to see them all on the holidays.  Let's start with Mike's family rendezvous at his aunt Kelly's house.

Here are the Ottley's talking about Ottley related things.

Here's that handsome devil Grampy.  Oh and Mike's not too shabby either.

This is Ryder with her Grandpa Kenny.  Kenny has been working out of town for 3 months and hadn't seen Ryder since she was but a wee lass.  The minute they locked eyes it was like no time had passed.  It was actually really weird, as soon as Kenny picked Ryder up the song Reunited started playing.  You know..."reunited and it feels so good".  Those are the only words I know, sorry.  And just kidding about the song playing, but wouldn't that have been awesome?

Here is what's left of the tasty morsels they prepared.

Our niece Riley made this fantastic pumpkin cake.  Isn't she crafty?  Sam said at 8 years old she's already done more baking than her mother Mindi.  Hmmm I wonder if that was something he wanted me to repeat...

Poor Zig (Chloe) was exhausted.  I can relate kiddo, I can relate.

Ok now let's move on to the Chavez family.

This is my brother Nate casually stirring gravy.  Isn't he handsome and natural looking?  He's single ladies!

Here are the men doing men related things.

Mmmm.  These are some of the fixins' being fixed.  Hey mom you know how every year you say you're not going to this again next year and we're on our own?  Yeah that's not going to work for me.

Post carnage.

In closing I would like to list some things I am thankful for in no particular order.

• Frosting
• Mike & Ryder
• Tivo  (remember back when you had to watch commercials?  Me either.)
• Sugar Ray Leonard Chavez-Mendenhall
• Roxy Balboa Chavez-Mendenhall
• A roof over my head
• Nasal spray
• Stephen King
• Food on my table
• All of my immediate and extended family
• University of Utah football (next year is our year!)
• Hot water

Speaking of hot water, our worthless piece of crap water heater hasn't been working the past few days and I find it really inconvenient.  Thank the lord above I was not born a pioneer because I am not meant to go without gloriously warm water whenever my little heart desires.  And another thing, is it required that you have a mustache to be in the repair man business?  The guy that came by today was rocking an awesome 'stache and when I think back on it I could swear that any other repair guy that's ever came over also had a mustache.  Just a little something for you to think about.

Xoxo,

Emily

Ryder

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

-Elizabeth Stone

Guilty As Charged

So the other day at work I was in the restroom and as I was getting ready to leave and I decided I better turn around and check out my rear end to see if the jeans I was wearing were giving me MB (or mom butt if you will).  You know what MB is right?  It's where your jeans make your butt look all flat and wide and shapeless.  Now that I am a mother I feel like I am more prone to this unfortunate phenomenon.  And sure enough my suspicions were correct! 

Now about this time you're probably thinking how incredibly tragic and embarassing that is in and of itself, and how you are so glad that this happened to me and not you.  But it gets worse.  As I was standing with my rear facing the mirror and trying to twist my head around exorcist style to check out what was going on back there a lovely, very professional woman (who has surely never suffered from MB and therefore could not understand) walked in.  I tried to act casual and act like I had a string or something on the back of my shirt, but the damage was done.  She knew.  She knew that I was checking out my butt in a public bathroom.  She was polite enough and just gave me a confused smile and walked in one of the stalls.  At this point I make a quick exit and hope to never run into her again.  I'm sure as soon as she got out she went back to her office and told everyone about the girl with MB who was checking herself out.  I'm sure she got home that night and told her husband and maybe called her sister to tell her as well. 

So what's the moral of this story?  The moral is to check your backside out before you leave in the privacy of your own home!  May you all (the whopping 3 people that read this including my mom) learn a lesson from this.  Good luck out there.

Xoxo,

Emily

PS.

See Erin you're not the only person that embarasses themselves.

On The Road Again

So last weekend we took a road trip to Boise to see Mike's dad Bob and his grandparents.  Along the way we saw many fascinating things--like cars, clouds and dirt.  Oh my!

My sister-in-law Mindi and her family also joined us.  Here they are enjoying the scenery as well.  Please don't judge me by my squiggly arrows.

After 5 breathtaking hours in the car we arrived at Grandma and Grandpa Mendenhall's humble abode.

What made their abode so humble (in my professional opinion as an abode judge) was the marble floors, the copper sink, the lake and the swimming pool out their back door, the large awesome rooms that all had full bathrooms, the 2 (that's right 2) ovens and microwaves, the large fireplaces, the guest house out back, the massive garage, and all the awesome wood work.  But like I said, that's just my opinion.

In honor of my arrival they had a portrait of me painted.  I said it was a little over the top, but they insisted. Here Ryder and I are posing first thing in the morning next to it.  (Thanks for not letting me get dressed before taking this picture Mike.)

This was Ryder's first time meeting her Grandpa Bob.  She was slightly alarmed.

Here she is with great-grandparents Larry and Dee.

This is Bandy, one of their cats.  She is either 6, 16 or 60 years old.  I can't remember which one, but I'm confident it's one of those.

In conclusion I asked Ryder to sum up her feelings about the trip in a series of facial expressions.

She started out a little apprehensive.

But then she warmed right up.

Until she got sick the next day and then she was a kind of "over it".

All in all it caught her a little off guard but was still a fantastic time of family bonding and story telling.  We had a blast and relived fun filled childhood memories and near tragedies.  It just doesn't get any better than that!

Xoxo,

Emily

Halloween, Better Late than Never Right?

So this was Ryder's first Halloween and as her mother I had high hopes and imagined all the wonderful memories we would be creating while trick-or-treating and getting her costume on etc.

Here she is pre costume and post face painting attempt.  The one side went ok, but then she was getting seriously mad and it was really hard to hold her squishy cheeks and paint something resembling whiskers.  Thus the fantastic surgeon like precision.

Here we have her immediately after shoving her slightly too long body into her costume I bought 6 weeks prior. Notice the extra long leg hanging out, and the expression of contempt.

Now let's zoom in a little on that angelic smile that could light the midnight sky.  As you can see she is delighted beyond words.

Here we introduce her cousin Mace who is only 3 weeks older.  Ryder often tolerates him but does not find him amusing.

Mace on the other hand is perfectly content and having the time of his life.

Here we are approximately 27 minutes after putting her in her costume.  We haven't even made it past my parent's front yard.

And that will conclude all of Ryder's first Halloween.  At this point she has a complete hysterical melt down and I have to take her out of her costume before she has heat stroke.  About 45 seconds after that she falls asleep and calls it a day.  Just for the record her costume ended up costing slightly under a dollar a minute.

Let's go back to someone who enjoys making fabulous memories.

Dang that kid is cute!  His brother Krew wasn't really feeling the Halloween spirit either and this was the only picture I got of him as a pirate before he had had enough of me.

In conclusion I present you with my brother Josh as the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson.

Don't you worry I've already got high hopes for next year!

Xoxo,

Emily